benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
