dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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