who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
