Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
