If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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