i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
