Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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