Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
