Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
