i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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