I seem to have left my pride at pride
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
