Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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