The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
