OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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