This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
