If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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