her vagine was all disorganized.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
