Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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