Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
