Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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