Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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