So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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