So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
