I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
