I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
be right there i have to get my cape
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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