Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
