is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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