Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
