We're facebook friends in real life
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel like abortions should bother me more
sarcasm needs its own font
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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