i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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