i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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