I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
