yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
