I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
