As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
