CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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