I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
