It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
