I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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