Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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