I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
