the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
