Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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