Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
