I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This is my gift to your gina
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
