At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
