Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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