My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
