my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
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stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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