I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
