So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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