The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
