You're so nebulous sometimes
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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