WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
