Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize