so that wasnt chicken after all
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
