he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
