i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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