Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
