i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
