I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
did you just send me my own nude
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Just puked most of my soul out..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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