Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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