I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
