sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
