people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i now understand why vodka
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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