Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
