he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize