This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
wanna go halves on a baby?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
