I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
