He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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