The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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